Kiss The Rain-Yiruma

I was digging through my email looking for an old draft when I found a note to myself; "Kiss the Rain -Yiruma". I had no idea why I had written it down so I figured I look it up. All I can say is wow. This song is so beautiful! I hope you guys enjoy!

In which... I join the truck family

If you look out from my front porch you would see corn fields, corn fields, and woods. Living in the country has many benefits and to be honest, I don't think I could live in the city again. Yesterday, I made the leap to the truck family. God provided in so many ways and I am so thankful.

Alright, 'nough said. Time to go use that truck. :)

In which.... I learn to follow in the valley's

We've all been there. You are standing on the highest point of your life, arms up, and all you can do is praise. I mean, it is the natural response.

After all, when all is going well it is going...uhm...well.

But we all know, that the peaks don't last long. As a matter of fact, they probably make up a very small fraction of our lives.

So what is the rest of life? If not peaks, it could be flats. I know I have had many of those "flats". Everything feels stagnant and you don't know where to go, what to do, and you just are too apathetic to do anything at all. But again, while a much larger portion of life than the peaks, this isn't where most of life happens.

From my experience, most of life is experienced in the valley. Those low moments of life that don't seem to end and just keep coming. Those moments that just don't make sense, at all. No matter what you do, you can't escape them and you can't seem to conquer them.

But of course, those are all lies that our enemy would want us to believe.

When walking alone, the valley is indeed, impossible. We cannot handle it. If that was the end of the story it would be discouraging!

But the truth is, even though dark and even though bleak; the valley is where God is, and we do not walk alone. God's heart is in the valley, not for it. Yes, He is there in the peaks and flats, but it is here, in the valley where God shows us who we really are and who He really is. Job was a righteous man, but it wasn't until his trials, the valley in his life that he recognized his need and dependance on God.

It is in these moments, these dark, bittersweet moments where we can learn dependance, trust, and patience. And what more does God require of us other than to love and to trust?

I am in a valley right now. Life just doesn't make sense. But still, through my confusion, hidden tears, and frustration, I feel my Father leaning close, whispering in my ear, and telling me to not fear but just to hold onto Him.


Is this comfortable? No.


Is this where I want to be in life? No.


Is He here with me? Yes.


But I am learning that life is much more than comfort, or wants. Life is about trust and glory; both of which reflect very little towards us and reflect a lot towards our God.

And ultimately, it is about praising God in all moments of life. Including, the valley. So as I take a moment to just praise God during these hard times, I encourage you to do the same. No matter where you are, God's works are indeed as the verse says, "wonderful".

Take a moment to shine to those who are also in the valley. Often when I am so self-focused, I miss the fact that God may have me in this valley to shine a light to others there with me. Maybe I can be a help to someone else. How will I know if I am only looking at myself, boo-hooing?

"Praise God... for wonderful are His works!" Psalm 78:4

in which.... I learn to live dangerously

“....It is time to seek the Lord, till he come and rain righteousness upon you.” Hosea 10:12

“Now set your heart and your soul to seek the LORD your God, arise therefore, and build ye the sanctuary of the LORD God....” 1 Chronicles 22:19

Most of my past posts have been rather preachy/serious and to be honest, that’s ok. But for those of you who aren’t involved in the daily nitty gritty of my life, I wanted to give an update on what God has been doing. And believe me, it’s been quite the ride.

Sometimes, God leads in the most unusual or even odd ways. Often, his calling is one that disregards conventional wisdom because his thoughts are not ours. This can be very uncomfortable though. I mean, if something doesn’t make sense to me, why would I do it?

So when God lead me to withdraw from college I was like....

“WHAT??? ARE YOU SERIOUS?”

Ok, my response wasn’t quite that expressive but there was shock. I mean come on. I have a good social circle, a good GPA, good scholarships, and honestly I like it. People take the fact that I sit in classes, eat a lot, and have one of the most expense social circles ever as something applaudable.

I mean... it makes me a “somebody” in everyone’s books. 

But I realized something startling..

I was really a nobody in God’s book.

I mean, in the words of Fanny Crosby before her conversion to Christ, “What good have I really done?” 

Now I know that I am saved, called to a higher calling, a holy priest(hood), and a part of a special people. But I also know that my impact to advancing that kingdom has been about as extensive and effective as my exercise routine, which is to say... not at all really.

I know I wasn’t saved to sit, I was saved to serve and I am not doing that.

So part of me was really not surprised when God showed me this... I knew that something drastic had to happen in my life as I had dug a rut too deep for my own work to get me out.

I also was extremely insecure in my future plans. I had written them, decided for them, and then handed them to God for His stamp of approval. I got caught up in the glamour of my future that I forgot the present, and also who is really in control. I had no way of really guaranteeing that future would come to pass. I had this underlying doubt all through the school year that I wasn’t living my life in surrender to Christ. I was a good kid, student, son, and church goer, but was I truly Christlike? Christ was surrendered to His Father’s will, even to death on the cross. I know I wasn’t that surrendered!

So this summer God has been breaking me to see that I need to put Him in control. It honestly is super hard. I mean, I am so OCD about control that to just hand it over is hard. Everyday it is a battle on who’s world order I’m living for; God’s or mine.

It’s not like overnight I became this perfect Christian. Ha, I think I’ve had a harder time now than before. Truth be told I still really struggle. I really want to foster myself and my flesh and not surrender and service. 

I mean.. I love me. 

Sounds weird. But it’s true. 

This summer though, God has lead me to withdraw from college, pay off loans, plug into my local church and serve. But most importantly this summer has been, and the rest of my life will be a journey of learning to love God, and others more than I love myself. I’m just a few steps down this never ending journey but I have peace and assurance that this is His will.

So what am I doing now? I’m looking out my window over the beautiful corn and soybean fields to a bright full moon and writing this post. :D But in seriousness, I am looking for full time employment to pay off my 12k in school loans. I am plugging back into my church, serving where God leads, and just being a light where He places me. 

My future? Well it’s all a little blurry but I know this much. I know God wants me to find some kind of ministry to plug into full time for a year after I pay off my loans. He has placed some ministries on my heart and I’m looking into them. 

So I have a question, and hey, I can’t do a post without any preachy part ok? Here it is:

Are you living dangerously?

Some of you are thinking, “hey if you knew my family members and the fact that I have to drive with them... I mean you wouldn’t ask that.” 

No. Not physically dangerous. I mean spiritually.

Have you surrendered yourself to whatever his plans are? Are you vulnerable and open to God?

I hope you will take a moment to just consider with me what God has for you and just hand the throne and scepter over to Him. You’ll be scared, angry, worried, and insecure. It will be hard and there will be obstacles to follow Him with your full heart but there will be this overwhelming peace buried deep inside that He is with you and He is in control.

And it makes it worth it all.

So live dangerously for Christ my friends. I hope to update my blog much more often with personal and preachy posts so do check back. :)

My plans

The best made plans always can fall through. Sometimes we get hurt, sometimes we get bruised. This life is no game. It hurts, it cuts, and it disappoints.

It disappoints. Well that’s the truth right there.

Sometimes you just want to kick every can in your path because...

well...

just because.

You really just want to take it out on some inanimate object... like a can.

There is really no reason.

You have so much to be thankful for here. You have family who loves you, friends who love you, and a God who loves you. But somehow it all seems like a far away dream. Something in the distance.

The disappointment starts to bring tears.

You can’t stop them because you don’t know what causes them.

Somehow though, you feel ridiculous. I mean, come on Jacob. God has a plan. Yes but.. but..

His plan isn’t my plan.

There we go. That’s the problem.

My plan.

I just want my plan to work out because it’s...well...mine. I mean, come on. I’m comfortable with it cause I designed it. “Designed with Jacob in mind” is at the end of each script I write for my life but yet here He comes, breaking through my plans and saying, “nope not today buckaroo”.

But should I really get upset? No. Do I though? Yes..

He has a plan. It’s not signed, “designed for God by God” but it says “designed for Jacob by God.” I don’t understand why things happen the way He designed.. Why so much hurt and pain in my friends lives, in this whole world? Why do good plans fall apart? Maybe just maybe because he knows what is best for me and I can’t see that right now.

Lord. I don’t understand why you had things happen the way they did; why you came crashing into the scene and changed my plans but help me to see through the discomfort and be able to bring comfort to the hurting all around me. You have a reason and I don’t even ask to see this reason. All I ask is that you help me to trust and obey you. I love and thank you for showing me what needs to change in my life. Help me to trust you. I love You, amen.

Unfailing love

“How many years have you planned this moment here?”

This thought struck me when I first heard this song.

Have you ever thought about how much God truly loves you? I rarely take the time to just sit down and be amazed; amazed by who He is, what He does, and how He loves.

How many years? How many of the endless years when there was no such thing as time did God plan to show Himself to us in the little things? Maybe He used the field of budding flowers glowing in the sunshine to send me a love note. Did I catch it or did I miss it? Perhaps it was a little special child's smile and voice brightening up your day or maybe it was that starry night, a sunny day, or a random note from someone you love. All these things are whispering a deep, unnoticed tone we can find all around us that says:

“I love you. Through all this world I’m saying I love you and nothing you ever do can earn that love. Nothing you do can ever secure your salvation. It is all up to Me and child, I will keep you; I will keep you safe in My everlasting arms. If these arms hold all the universe why do you think that I can’t hold you? Nothing you do will ever separate you from My love. You can’t run, you can’t hide, and you can’t sin enough that I will reject you. My Son’s blood reaches down and erases those stains from you my child and you are white as snow in My sight. Don’t forget me as I am coming for you. I love you as a husband loves his bride and searches for her. You, not everyone, not the universe, not religion, YOU child are at the center of my heart and I will never, ever forget you.”

Somehow, I’ve heard all this before. You know how you become so familiar with something you forget it? The amazing thing is God knew, before I forgot, that I would forget and that’s why He gives us a chance to see again. To behold His love for us once again as if it is the first time.

Take a moment to see for the first time again.

God loves you, and me so much. I want to challenge you to join me tonight, tomorrow, and everyday you can to just take a moment and relish God’s love. Look for Him in the small things. Start a journal that just remembers all the ways God showed His love to you because His love is the only reason we have to keep going, and shine a light in a dark and dying world.

“May my motto be Father Lord,
Loving because I’ve been loved.”

Truth moment today

Perhaps you never have encountered the world of homosexuality, but it is a permeating and persistent thought echoing through America's higher education system. At my school it is not commended, or condemned. Almost more frustrating than either. Today I saw this tweet on Twitter.

"Women deserve the right to choose what they want to do with their bodies."

I'm slightly blown away by the selfish and honestly stupid nature of this tweet. But I understand at the same time. It is an only partially selfish and stupid thought. But here were my truth thoughts of the day: (something I've been trying to do to combat the "untruth" I face day in and day out at school )

"Women deserve the right to choose what they want to do with their bodies."

Saw this on twitter today... thought to myself, yes this is true. But two things I'd like to consider. First, when moral, or physical boundaries are crossed outside action must take place. If a women were to commit suicide we would try and stop her. Why? Because it would damage her body and spirit. The same for homosexuality. This also applies to abortion, or events that disregard and degrade a woman's dignity. The same if I wanted to jump off a cliff... sure it is my body but that is just plain stupid to do. If someone tried to stop me and I screamed, "IT'S MY BODY LET ME DO WHAT I WANT", they would promptly send me to the insane asylum. The logic needs to flow both ways, otherwise it is faulty, and irrational. It is ludicrous to separate two evils and try to excuse one. We won't allow suicide, and we should not allow homosexuality, abortion, or this degrading of women. and yes, some of these "choices" you want to make really only degrade you. The exact thing you are trying to fight.

Second of all, it isn't your body. It's God's and you are borrowing it. God condemns this lifestyle in the Bible. If you are borrowing a body from Him, it seems that you should follow His guidelines for that body.

So dear women, and men of the world. It is your body, in a sense. Do as you please. But when your choices comprise moral right and your own physical health we the Christian community will, or at least should step in because that is what true love looks like and that is what we are called to do.

"What? know you not that your body is the temple of the Holy Ghost which is in you, which you have of God, and you are not your own?" 1 Corinthians 6:19