in which.... I learn to live dangerously

“....It is time to seek the Lord, till he come and rain righteousness upon you.” Hosea 10:12

“Now set your heart and your soul to seek the LORD your God, arise therefore, and build ye the sanctuary of the LORD God....” 1 Chronicles 22:19

Most of my past posts have been rather preachy/serious and to be honest, that’s ok. But for those of you who aren’t involved in the daily nitty gritty of my life, I wanted to give an update on what God has been doing. And believe me, it’s been quite the ride.

Sometimes, God leads in the most unusual or even odd ways. Often, his calling is one that disregards conventional wisdom because his thoughts are not ours. This can be very uncomfortable though. I mean, if something doesn’t make sense to me, why would I do it?

So when God lead me to withdraw from college I was like....

“WHAT??? ARE YOU SERIOUS?”

Ok, my response wasn’t quite that expressive but there was shock. I mean come on. I have a good social circle, a good GPA, good scholarships, and honestly I like it. People take the fact that I sit in classes, eat a lot, and have one of the most expense social circles ever as something applaudable.

I mean... it makes me a “somebody” in everyone’s books. 

But I realized something startling..

I was really a nobody in God’s book.

I mean, in the words of Fanny Crosby before her conversion to Christ, “What good have I really done?” 

Now I know that I am saved, called to a higher calling, a holy priest(hood), and a part of a special people. But I also know that my impact to advancing that kingdom has been about as extensive and effective as my exercise routine, which is to say... not at all really.

I know I wasn’t saved to sit, I was saved to serve and I am not doing that.

So part of me was really not surprised when God showed me this... I knew that something drastic had to happen in my life as I had dug a rut too deep for my own work to get me out.

I also was extremely insecure in my future plans. I had written them, decided for them, and then handed them to God for His stamp of approval. I got caught up in the glamour of my future that I forgot the present, and also who is really in control. I had no way of really guaranteeing that future would come to pass. I had this underlying doubt all through the school year that I wasn’t living my life in surrender to Christ. I was a good kid, student, son, and church goer, but was I truly Christlike? Christ was surrendered to His Father’s will, even to death on the cross. I know I wasn’t that surrendered!

So this summer God has been breaking me to see that I need to put Him in control. It honestly is super hard. I mean, I am so OCD about control that to just hand it over is hard. Everyday it is a battle on who’s world order I’m living for; God’s or mine.

It’s not like overnight I became this perfect Christian. Ha, I think I’ve had a harder time now than before. Truth be told I still really struggle. I really want to foster myself and my flesh and not surrender and service. 

I mean.. I love me. 

Sounds weird. But it’s true. 

This summer though, God has lead me to withdraw from college, pay off loans, plug into my local church and serve. But most importantly this summer has been, and the rest of my life will be a journey of learning to love God, and others more than I love myself. I’m just a few steps down this never ending journey but I have peace and assurance that this is His will.

So what am I doing now? I’m looking out my window over the beautiful corn and soybean fields to a bright full moon and writing this post. :D But in seriousness, I am looking for full time employment to pay off my 12k in school loans. I am plugging back into my church, serving where God leads, and just being a light where He places me. 

My future? Well it’s all a little blurry but I know this much. I know God wants me to find some kind of ministry to plug into full time for a year after I pay off my loans. He has placed some ministries on my heart and I’m looking into them. 

So I have a question, and hey, I can’t do a post without any preachy part ok? Here it is:

Are you living dangerously?

Some of you are thinking, “hey if you knew my family members and the fact that I have to drive with them... I mean you wouldn’t ask that.” 

No. Not physically dangerous. I mean spiritually.

Have you surrendered yourself to whatever his plans are? Are you vulnerable and open to God?

I hope you will take a moment to just consider with me what God has for you and just hand the throne and scepter over to Him. You’ll be scared, angry, worried, and insecure. It will be hard and there will be obstacles to follow Him with your full heart but there will be this overwhelming peace buried deep inside that He is with you and He is in control.

And it makes it worth it all.

So live dangerously for Christ my friends. I hope to update my blog much more often with personal and preachy posts so do check back. :)